


My name is Alec and I'm gay

by Bablefisk



Series: Pride [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: LGBTQ Character, Pride, Several OC - Freeform, Support Group, pride week story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-13 13:51:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19252498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bablefisk/pseuds/Bablefisk
Summary: Alec stumbles across an LGBTQ group when he is younger, and it changes his life.





	1. I'm gay

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! A few things:  
> \- This has in no way been betad. I wrote it at work, in between other stuff, and just posted it directly.  
> \- It's my first shadowhunter fic! And I haven't actually read the books, nor watched the show. What I have done is read way to much fanfiction and watched a few clips more times than I should. So this might be OOC, I don't know.  
> \- I've been thinking about this story for a few days now, and since it's pride week in Oslo this week, I decided to just go ahead with it. As of now, there will be three chapters, and I'm gonna try and get them all done during this week. There will also be a second story in this series.

It was late afternoon by the time Alec could walk home. There had been a case with the werewolves, and Alec had always been better at talking with the downworlders than his parents, so they had sent him to deal with it. It had worked out fine, as it had mostly been some confusion between two packs, and Alec was in a good mood, thinking about stopping for some dinner as walked towards home, weapons with him, but as his runes, hidden.

He focus was suddenly shifted when a woman on the sidewalk laughed, and Alec looked up. There was a small group of people standing next to an open door, people slowly moving in after they greeted the laughing woman. In the window next to her a big rainbow flag had been hung up, and the woman herself had several pins with slogans that Alec couldn’t see from where he was standing. What he could see, however, was the poster hanging on the door. It was another rainbow flag, with big, black letters.

It was a LGBTQ support group. Something halted in Alec as he looked at the poster, and he stopped walking. He knew that mundane society had become a lot more comfortable and safe for gay people than the Shadowhunters own. He had internet, and used it a lot, particularly those first few years after he realized what was so incredibly _wrong_ with him. Besides, as a New Yorker, Pride was hard to miss (and something he had never quite dared to go to, terrified that someone would find him out.

“Hi! Do you want to join us?”

Alec looked up, startled. The girl had walked up to him, big smile and soft eyes.

“I…I don’t…“ He tried to calm himself down as he geared up to say no and leave, when a hand was laid carefully on his arm.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re not alone here. You don’t even have to say anything, you can just come inside and listen to other people. No matter what stops you from going in, what harm would it do to waste an hour simply listening?”

Alec’s logical mind froze, and he just looked down at her. It was almost as if the terrified part of his brain, the part that insisted _HIDE!,_ had just gone into panic mode and shut down. What could it hurt indeed. No one was expecting him home, he had no duties to attend to. It would be like those boring clave meetings his parents forced him to attend. What could it really hurt?

Before he quite knew what he was doing, he had given the woman a small smile and nodded, following her inside.

There was a circle of chairs standing in the room, and some where occupied. Some people stood next to what Alec assumed was a refreshment table, talking like they knew each other. He did a quick survey of the room, and picked the seat that made him feel the least vulnerable (he had eyes on both the doors, the windows, and the refreshment table).

He knew, he _knew_ there were other people like him, but this was the first time he had actually been in the same room with any, knowing that everyone around him was different. Not necessarily in the same way as he was, but different all the same.

“Welcome everyone, please find a seat!” The woman who had talked to him before stood a few seats down from Alec, and people started gathering to the remaining chairs.  “I am Kaila, and for those of you that are new, this is a group where we talk about anything and everything. The only rules are that one - you have to be supportive of each other, and two – nothing leaves this room. Everyone needs to trust that this is a safe space, and know that nothing they say here will go any further. You don’t have to talk, it’s perfectly fine if you just want to sit and listen.”

The evening went on from there. Many people talked. Several people didn’t. Alec didn’t say a word. The last one to say something was a small girl, tanned skin suggesting an Asian heritage, sitting almost straight across from Alec. She was obviously nervous, and was twirling a pen between her fingers as she spoke, looking down at the floor.

“I found this group online, and I remember thinking ‘you know what, it can’t get any worse’. It’s helped, a lot.” She looked up and sent a quick smile towards Kaila.

“It’s been a tough few years for me. I’m from a bit of a traditional Asian family. My parents have always pushed us to be the best, which means two things; the best grades, and a family. They expect me to become a doctor, preferably a surgeon or something equally glamorous.  I don’t even mind that bit, I want to be a vet, so you know, close enough.”

She sniffed and tried a few tears. “But see, the thing is. I don’t want a family, not in the way that they want me to. I… I’m pretty sure I’m asexual. I had a boyfriend, we’d been dating for a while and he wanted more. I was kinda on board at first, I mean the kissing had been good. But going any further, I just felt revolted. He pushed, and I pushed him away and we broke up.” She sniffed again, biting her lip.

“That’s it really. Don’t have any more to say. Oh, and hi, I’m Lily, and I think I’m asexual.” She gave a little laugh before she used her sweater to dry the rest of her tears.

Alec wanted to hug her. It was this feeling he got whenever one of his siblings were hurt or needed some comfort, and his big brother radar was going off like crazy. As he looked around the room, he realized he needed to come back. He needed to hear more stories.

When he left a little later, he had the program in his head, hoping it wouldn’t be too long until he could come back.

**

Three weeks passed before he was able to get away again, and when he walked into the room, Kaila gave him a big smile of surprise. He continued to go to as many meeting as he could, though he rarely managed two weeks in a row. After seven months of this, something in him released, and he asked to talk.

“Hi everyone. I’ve been coming here off and on for seven months, and I don’t think I’ve said a word to any of you.” His words were certain and steady, because he had worked out what to say weeks ago. This was like running the institute, he was saying what he needed to say, and then stop.

“My family is very old fashioned. We all go into the military, and we start training early. We are expected to be the best and nothing more. Nothing is more important than the family name to my parents. They have a big plan for my life and that plan includes marrying a suitable woman and having kids. Except I’m gay.” Moisture was building in his eyes, and he cleared his throat.

“And that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud.” He took another deep breath, looking at the wall behind everyone and continued.

“I know that coming out would not go well. My parents would probably try and arrange a marriage for me if I did. And I honestly would leave and just make my own way, except I need to look out for my siblings.” Suddenly, something reared up in Alec and he went off on an unplanned tangent.

“My siblings, I don’t know if they know, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t care, but they. They act out. They’re both younger than me by a few years, and the more they act out, the more our parents put on my shoulders. They don’t seem to notice what they’re doing, and I’m pretty sure they would tamp it down if they knew, but I’m just… just getting so tired of it.” He shook his head as if to clear it.

“Anyways. Hi, my name is Alec, I am 17 years old, and I am gay.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just also wanted to add that I made Alec this young for two reasons. One will become obvious in the next couple of chapters, but the other is that I think he would be a little more vulnerable at this age, and more likely to actually walk into that group.
> 
> I have also never been to a group like this, so I'm only guessing.  
> PS: This will become malec  
> PPS: And now I think this story has more notes than all my other stories combined.


	2. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec attended his first pride when he was 18, a year and some weeks after he first stumbled into the support group

Alec attended his first pride when he was 18, a year and some weeks after he first stumbled into the support group. He had a fair understanding of what Pride was, but he didn’t really know what it entailed. Listening to the other people in the group talk about it, he wanted to see what it would be like. Something was holding him back though; he wanted to watch without being a part of it, but he wasn’t quite sure how to do that. In the end, he voiced his thoughts with the group, and he was tipped about several cafés and restaurants that were along the path the parade took, where he could reserve a table and watch.

Like the soldier that he was, he did some reconnaissance to find the place that would work best for what he wanted. In the end he picked a café that had a few tables outside of it, but also had an iron fence between the tables and the street, giving Alec a good view without drowning him in people. (He had actually considered just camping out on a roof somewhere, but he wanted to be a part of it, not hide like that).

The café he picked, Rosé, was a decently sized place, ten tables inside and three outside. It was far enough from the Institute to not run into anyone he knew, and a good halfway point for his morning run. He started eating breakfast there a few times a week to get familiar with the place, and learned that the two women running it, Anna and Sara, had married just last year, after 6 years together. With only a month left before Pride, he had carefully asked if it was possible to reserve one of the tables for the parade, and they had given him such a look of care that he couldn’t help but blush and look down.

When the day finally came, Alec was terrified. Group was one thing, he could easily sneak in and out of that with no one the wiser. This was something else. This was loud and out and everything he didn’t dare be just yet. Everything he wished he could be. So he was terrified. But he also felt like he would jump out of his skin, so excited to share the space with so many other people who was just like him.

He left the institute that morning, making sure he was signed out for a day off, in his usual black on black, and was far too early for anything really to have started. The café was filled with rainbow flags, lesbian flags and bi-flags and several more that Alec didn’t recognize. Anna and Sara were running around, Anna with a bi flag on her cheek, Sara with a heart in the lesbian flag colors. They were colorful and in full spirits, and Alec couldn’t help but smile at them.

When they saw his dark ensemble, they tried to push him into some makeup and rainbow flags, and though he said no to most of it, he did take the small bracelet with the flag. He was feeling far too self-conscious about such a small thing, but this was really the first time he dared to show in public who he was, and it was still terrifying.

The day after, if someone were to ask him how the experience had been, he didn’t think he’d be able to find the words. It was colorful, it was exhilarating, it was exhausting and it was freeing. It was too much to put in actual words. So he stopped trying.

**

It became a thing. He continued to go to Rosé every week, and slowly got to know the people there. By the time the next Pride came around, the table was once more reserved. This time, he had asked the couple if he could maybe buy some things and keep them at the shop for a few days. He didn’t dare keep it in his room, and he had told them enough about his family for them to understand why. When he got there after shopping, there was a dark blue box waiting for him, his name in swirly letters on top. There was a small note inside the lid, ‘We’ll keep this with us, so you’ll always have to feel safe with yourself and your things. He blinked a few times, removing the moisture, before taking his time getting ready. This time, it was several armbands as well as the rainbow flag on the side of his neck, right where his deflect rune was. He loved that rune, always had, and the contrast the flag made with the stark black lines was a cool effect, even if no one else could see it.

A couple of months later, he was there to celebrate with Anna and Sara when the adoption they had been waiting for finally went through. He was there to meet the little girl, Elizabeth, a few days after they got her, and he instantly fell in love with her. He babysat, and joined in on dinners and met their group of friends and by the time his third Pride came around, he was just really looking forward to the day. He loved the parade and everything that came with it, but most of all he just loved being with these people. These people who would probably never know all of him, as he would always have to hide a big part of his life, but whom he loved anyways, and felt loved by.

**

Alec met Magnus on an otherwise unremarkable day. Izzy was supposed to meet Meliorn for a handover of some sort, but one of her trainees had gotten hurt, and Izzy couldn’t get away, so she had asked Alec to do it instead. They were meeting at Pandemonium, and as Alec had the night off, he only complained a little about having to go.

The exchange went without a hitch. Alec had met Meliorn before, so it was really just a matter of finding him it the full club, something made easier by the fact that he was standing right by the bar. Alec gave the seelie Izzy’s apology, and they went separate ways.

Alec was just about to head out again when a breathtaking man slid into the seat next to him. They greeted. They talked. They flirted (Or, Magnus did. Alec just blushed). By the time Alec left for home, hours had passed and numbers had been exchanged.

They managed two dates after that, and Alec had been contemplating inviting Magnus with him for Pride. In the end, though, it felt a little too intimate, just a little too soon. So he said he was busy on Saturday, and asked the Warlock out for dinner on Sunday instead.

 

As he left the Institute that morning, a smile tugging on his lips, he couldn’t help the happy sigh. Things were happening. Good things. And he couldn’t wait to see where it would go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you know that we will get a lot more of the story behind everything in this chapter in the next chapter.


	3. Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus smiled as he looked out on the street, taking a small sip of his tea. He’s sitting in a small café in New York, and today is the New York Pride Parade. He’s early, and he is fully aware, but there is just something about the atmosphere on days like these that he loves, and he wants to fully take it in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was about a week later than planned, I had a bit of a rough week with my anxiety. Enjoy:)

Magnus smiled as he looked out on the street, taking a small sip of his tea. He’s sitting in a small café in New York, and today is the New York Pride Parade. He’s early, and he is fully aware, but there is just something about the atmosphere on days like these that he loves, and he wants to fully take it in. The café was chosen completely random, as he had been walking by when he realized he was hungry. The place was decorated heavily with different pride flags, so it seemed a good idea on a day like this. The two women behind the counter were running around preparing for the day, exchanging kisses whenever they passed each other.

The bell on the door chimed, and Magnus could hear footsteps moving across the floor before a sudden scream broke through.

“Alec!” It was followed by tiny running footsteps and at the name, Magnus couldn’t help but look up.

“Lissa!”

Magnus stared in shock at the scene in front of him. Alexander Lightwood was currently crouching down, lifting up a little girl who had been running towards him. He looked like he had when Magnus had met him that first night at Pandemonium; black jeans, boots and sweater. He was grinning at the girl now sitting in his arms, and with her hair and skin color, Magnus wouldn’t be surprised if people mistook Alexander for her dad.

Magnus had met Alec at Pandemonium a few weeks ago. The taller man had caught his attention, and Magnus had been fascinated by the familiar exchange between the Seelie and him. Something about the man had peaked Magnus’ interest, and he was up and out of the couch before he quite knew what he was doing. As he came closer, Meliorn left, and Magnus took the open seat with an air of gracefulness.

_“I don’t believe we have been introduced. I’m Magnus.”_

_The eyes of the Nephilim in front of him widened just a tad, and he licked his lips, tugging them up in a little smile._

_“Alec.”_

_“Hmm, Alexander, and what is a big, bad shadowhunter doing here all on his own then? I thought you all hunted in pairs.” The words could have been threatening, but Magnus made sure his tone flirty and teasing._

_The other man blushed a little. “Uhm, well, I was helping out my sister, she was supposed to meet someone but couldn’t get here in time.”_

Though Alexander had clearly been nervous, he had also been clear on not wanting to go anywhere, and they had continued talking long into the morning. Something about this man was just drawing him in and holding his attention, and Magnus wanted more. So he asked for Alexander’s number, and a few days later, they met for a few drinks. Then, five days after that (because Magnus had a convention he had to go to) they had dinner

The warlock continued to watch the show in front of him, and he couldn’t help but smile a little. Alexander was carrying the little girl, Lissa, towards the counter where the couple, probably the girl’s mothers, were standing.

“Hey, happy pride ladies.” Alexander leaned over the counter and gave both of them a quick hug. “Are we ready for today?”

“Getting there, we just have a few more decorations. Your box is in the back, go ahead.” The dark-haired woman smiled and shooed him behind the counter and into a back room.

Alec disappeared for a while, taking the girl with him, though Magnus could hear them talking through the open door.

After about ten minutes, Alexander came out, the girl still on his arm, but otherwise looking decidedly different. He was still in his boots and jeans, but instead of his sweater, he was wearing a black tank top with the rainbow flag in front. He had the same flag smeared across his neck, and Magnus realized it was just where his deflect rune usually was, hidden now. The little girl had a fake tattoo on her arm in the shape of a rainbow unicorn, and the lesbian flag on her cheek.

Magnus was enthralled. The young, shy shadowhunter he had met at the club had been fascinating, but this relaxed version of him was even more so. It was obvious to Magnus that these were people the younger man could relax around. Even if they didn’t know what he was, which Magnus doubted, the man seemed to relax here in a way he hadn’t seen before. He wondered if the man was this relaxed at the Institute, but somehow Magnus doubted it.

Alec had moved on and was helping the couple fix up the last few things, the little girl running around their feet, when he looked up and met Magnus’ eyes. There was clear surprise there, but also a happiness that made Magnus melt a little and he met the smile with one of his own.

That seemed to be all the other man needed, and he crossed the floor between them in a few strides.

“Magnus, hi.” He seemed uncertain if he should sit or not, and Magnus gestured for the chair.

“Alexander, it’s good to see you. Happy Pride.”

The now seated man blushed and rubbed his neck.  

“You too. I mean, I,uhm, good to see you to, and Happy Pride.”  


Magnus almost cooed at this sweet creature in front of him. “So, this is what you meant when you said you were busy today?

Alexander nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I’ve been coming here the last few years, it’s tradition by now. I was thinking about asking you to spend the day with me, but I wasn’t sure if it was… too much or something.”

“It’s not too much.” Magnus let his hand caress Alexander’s arm, lightly stroking. He turned his hand, holding onto Magnus’.

“Yeah? Do you have any plans for today? I have a table outside that I share with Anna, Sarah and Lissa, but you’re welcome too, if you want.”

“I’d love that.”

“Great!” The smile that filled Alexander’s face was blinding, and Magnus almost swooned.

_This boy will be the death of me, but what a way to go._

_**_

Magnus had met the small family that Alexander had somehow ended up in, and he could see the protective glances they sent him. It was so incredibly pleasing to him that there were people that cared this much about his lovely boy. Though he hadn’t said much, there was no hiding that Alexanders home life was in no way easy. He clearly loved his siblings and his parabatai, but his relationship with his parents was tough.

They had just sat down outside, still an hour or so until the start of the parade would pass them, Lissa joining them on Alec’s lap.

“I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t stumbled across that group year ago, but I’ll be grateful for that the rest of my life. Then I just kind of started getting to know people, and before I knew what was happening, I had this whole queer family around me.”  Alec shrugged and gave Magnus a small smile that Magnus couldn’t help but answer with one of his own. “I still go to group as often as I can, but it’s more to help out others now.

I wish I could reach out to other Nephilim kids who might need it. I _know_ I can’t be the only gay one, and I want to show them that it’s okay, not something to feel ashamed about. But I can’t figure out how to reach only those who need it, and anything else would just work against me in the end.”

Magnus frowned in thought as he sat down his cup. “I might actually know of a spell you could use. What were you thinking of doing?”

Alexander lit up in interest. “Well, I have been thinking of maybe sending a letter or something. What kind of spell are we talking about?”

“It’s something that was used during war, when warlocks would help smuggle people across the border. We would need to figure out the parameters, but I’m pretty sure we could use it. I’ll have to look at it when I get home.”

**

 “Alec!”

The parade had been going for about 45 minutes when one girl broke off from her group and made her way through the mass of people to come over to them. She was bubbly and glittery and her long brown hair was colored in a deep purple. Her clothes were short jean shorts and a bralette, and her left thigh was completely covered by the bisexual flag.

“Melody!” Alec stood up from his chair and went to meet her, moving outside the fence and drew her into a hug. “You look great!”

The girl pulled out of the hug and gave Alec a shy smile. “Thanks, I’m… yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself.”

“You should be, and I am too. Seriously, don’t listen to what anyone else says, you look fantastic.”

  
Magnus watched the interaction curiously. There was obviously some history there, something they were talking about. The girl was a good few years younger than Alec, Magnus would guess late teens or early twenties, and Alec clearly cared about her.

Before long, the girl had run off again, catching up with her group, and Alexander slid his way back into his chair.

“Melody started going to group a year ago. She’s bisexual, and she didn’t have a lot of issues with that, but she also struggled with an eating disorder. Her goal this year was to dress just the way she wanted to without caring about what others thought about her size. She’s been working really hard on her own self-esteem about it, and I’m just so incredibly proud of her for it. “

**

They were leaning against the fence, shoulder to shoulder, as they waved at the kids passing in the parade.

 “Izzy and Jace knows, I came out to them a few days after my first pride, and they’re fine with it. I don’t know if mom and dad knows, I haven’t told them at least.”

“How do you think they are going to react?” Magnus might know Maryse and Robert from many years ago, but he wanted to know Alexanders own thoughts about it.

He let out a deep sigh before answering. “I think dad will be surprised, but not really…unhappy I guess, as much as confused. Mom will be mad. She wants the whole ‘Head of the Institute with wife and kids’ thing.”

Magnus looked at him for a few moments, wondering if he should voice the thought he just had.

“What would they think of you dating a downworlder?” He tried to keep his voice even, trying to simply make it a question, and not something more.

Alec looked adorably confused for a few moments. “Oh. I hadn’t really thought of that. Huh, I actually don’t know what they would think is worse.” He shook his head with a smile. “But it doesn’t matter. I want to date you, and I don’t care what anyone else has to say about it.”

Magnus looked up at the young man, a feeling of awe coming over him. These hours with him had given the warlock an insight to a warm man, and as powerful as Alec could be, Magnus didn’t think he had ever met a Nephilim with this much love for the people who needed it, no matter who or what they were. It opened up something in Magnus and suddenly it was hard to breathe. It was terrifying, but also so exciting to have this kind of spark and Magnus just wanted.

Alec was straightening up, looking at Magnus, eyes flittering between the warlock’s lips and eyes, and Magnus slowly leaned in. He was all for where this was going, but he wanted to leave the last choice up to the Shadowhunter. A long second went by before Magnus could feel lips on his own and he sank into the taller man. It was a careful kiss at first, both pulling back a little before leaning in and suddenly Magnus was making out with a beautiful young man right next to the Pride parade and his heart soared.

Pulling away to take a deep breath, he laughed in surprise when glitter fell from the sky, a yell off to the side suggesting someone in the parade had thrown it at them, and Alec was laughing right along with him and Magnus couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a series, as you can see, and the next story will start around where the TV show starts and I'm very excited about it! (also, feel free to point out typos, it's not been beta read)


End file.
